All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
