Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
