i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
