My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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