I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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