Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
