I smell stomach acid.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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