weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
