OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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