I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
