Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
