So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
