Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You can't just leave with hair like that
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize