he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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