Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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