Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
