Got a toothbrush?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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