She announced her abortion via fbk
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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