My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
