Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
