Pants 0. Shit 1.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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