I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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