if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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