Betty ford says i'm here all night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
