they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
