What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
