Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I AM VODKA MAN
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
