i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
