i permit you to call me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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