How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize