News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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