I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
