I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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