This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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