I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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