Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
