I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
