I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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