y did u give ur computer a hand job?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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