She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
