I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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