Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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