That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
