Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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