if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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