there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
