nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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