I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
