Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
