We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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