I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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