I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
