dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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