dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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