I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
