dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
