Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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