Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
