I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
