Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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