he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
