Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
