It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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