I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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