I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
