So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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