the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
