My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
