Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
