so explain again why im purple
no
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
