Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize