All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
