you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
