What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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