this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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