If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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