and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
