Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
