____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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