I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
