Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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